Chuck Norris Jokes
Unleash a Daily Dose of Chuck Norris Laughs
When Chuck Norris is in the woods, bears use bear spray on themselves.
When Chuck Norris jumps into a black hole, it closes out of fear.
Chuck Norris’s calculator has no equals button; no number equals Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris Jokes
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.
Bees ask Chuck Norris for permission before making honey.
Chuck Norris once gave a eulogy at a dinosaur’s funeral.
When Chuck Norris visits the Arctic, polar bears buy him a Coca-Cola.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wash dishes, they cleanse themselves in his presence.
When Chuck Norris makes toast, the bread toasts itself out of respect.
Chuck Norris’s meals cook themselves out of fear of being raw.
Chuck Norris doesn’t use a stovetop, he uses his inner heat.
Chuck Norris can make a snow cone with his stare.
Chuck Norris can play bass so deep, it sets off car alarms.
Chuck Norris can hear a pin drop in the middle of a rock concert.
When Chuck Norris sings a lullaby, the night itself falls asleep.
Chuck Norris’s rap battles end before they start; opponents hand over their mics.
Chuck Norris’s sketches are used as blueprints for reality.
Chuck Norris can color inside the lines with his eyes closed.
Chuck Norris can read a book by its cover.
When Chuck Norris writes, his pen never touches the paper—it’s too scared.
Chuck Norris can play Pictionary alone and win.
Chuck Norris’s shadow has more MVP awards than any other player.
Chuck Norris once entered a marathon and won the triathlon.
Chuck Norris holds every world record. Just in case.
Chuck Norris’s fiscal year has 13 months; he gets a bonus month.
Chuck Norris doesn’t predict futures; he decides them.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need analytics; he decides the trends.
When Chuck Norris goes into a recession, the economy gets depressed.
When Chuck Norris was in school, ‘show and tell’ was renamed ‘show and survive.’
Chuck Norris once corrected a dictionary.
When Chuck Norris goes to class, even the smartest phone becomes smarter.
Chuck Norris doesn’t go to history class; he teaches it.
Chuck Norris can solve a closed book exam with his eyes closed.
Chuck Norris can circle the globe faster than the speed of light.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need maps; territories mark themselves on his boots.
When Chuck Norris travels, no one asks for his ticket. They just thank him.
The Statue of Liberty lights her own torch when Chuck Norris arrives in New York.
Chuck Norris uses volcanic ash from volcanoes he personally stopped from erupting for his garden.
When Chuck Norris does yard work, the yard works harder.
Chuck Norris’s gardening apron is made from dragon skin.
Chuck Norris once grew a bonsai tree full-size just to see if he could.
When Chuck Norris plants herbs, they season themselves in anticipation.
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