Chuck Norris Jokes
Unleash a Daily Dose of Chuck Norris Laughs
Chuck Norris can breathe in space. He just doesn’t want to show off.
Chuck Norris once made a lion purr like a kitten.
Chuck Norris Jokes
Lions give Chuck Norris the ‘right of way’ on the Savannah.
When spiders see Chuck Norris, they web up their own eviction notices.
When Chuck Norris enters a swamp, alligators build him a raft.
Chuck Norris doesn’t go on safari. Animals parade before him.
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.
Chuck Norris can make water boil faster just by whispering to it.
Chuck Norris’s cooking is so strong, the flavors punch you in the mouth.
Chuck Norris’s refrigerator has no light because the food is never scared.
When Chuck Norris walks into a bakery, the dough rises in salute.
When Chuck Norris plays the flute, snakes dance to hypnotize him.
Chuck Norris can play bass so deep, it sets off car alarms.
When Chuck Norris writes a screenplay, Oscar statues polish themselves.
Chuck Norris can sculpt an ice statue while it’s melting.
Chuck Norris’s first drafts are final drafts.
Chuck Norris can stare at a novel and learn everything about its characters.
Chuck Norris can narrate an audiobook silently.
When Chuck Norris enters the ring, the bell rings itself out of fear.
When Chuck Norris counts beans, the beans count themselves.
Chuck Norris doesn’t do hostile takeovers; he does impossible takeovers.
Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in market correction, the market corrects itself before he has a…
When Chuck Norris throws in his two cents, it’s worth a billion.
Chuck Norris’s fiscal year has 13 months; he gets a bonus month.
When Chuck Norris takes a class, the dropout rate reaches 100%.
Chuck Norris can silence a class just by walking past the room.
Chuck Norris doesn’t turn in his tests; the tests turn themselves in.
Chuck Norris doesn’t have a GPA; the educational system has a Chuck Point Average.
When Chuck Norris was in school, ‘show and tell’ was renamed ‘show and survive.’
Chuck Norris doesn’t experience culture shock; cultures experience Chuck Norris shock.
When Chuck Norris watches a foreign film, he doesn’t need subtitles.
When Chuck Norris went bungee jumping, the ground pushed itself down to save time.
Chuck Norris can circle the globe faster than the speed of light.
Chuck Norris can run a marathon backwards, faster than you can run it forwards.
When Chuck Norris steps on a scale, it reads, “One at a time, please.”
Chuck Norris doesn’t need a trellis; plants climb at his command.
Chuck Norris doesn’t plant bulbs; he plants fully grown trees.
Chuck Norris’s flower beds are actual mattresses because even his flowers need rest.
Chuck Norris tells the sun when to shine for optimal photosynthesis.
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