Chuck Norris Jokes
Unleash a Daily Dose of Chuck Norris Laughs
Chuck Norris doesn’t patch jeans; the threads heal themselves.
Chuck Norris doesn’t plead the Fifth; the Fifth pleads Chuck.
Chuck Norris can wear mismatched socks and start a fashion revolution.
Chuck Norris Jokes
When spiders see Chuck Norris, they web up their own eviction notices.
When Chuck Norris enters a swamp, alligators build him a raft.
Chuck Norris doesn’t go on safari. Animals parade before him.
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.
Bees ask Chuck Norris for permission before making honey.
Chuck Norris’s refrigerator has no light because the food is never scared.
When Chuck Norris walks into a bakery, the dough rises in salute.
When Chuck Norris yells ‘Dinner’s ready!’, food from all around the world lines up at…
When Chuck Norris plays the flute, snakes dance to hypnotize him.
Chuck Norris can play bass so deep, it sets off car alarms.
Chuck Norris can hear a pin drop in the middle of a rock concert.
Chuck Norris’s first drafts are final drafts.
Chuck Norris can stare at a novel and learn everything about its characters.
Chuck Norris can narrate an audiobook silently.
Chuck Norris’s whispers are recorded for audiobooks.
When Chuck Norris does origami, the paper folds itself.
Chuck Norris doesn’t break a sweat. Sweat breaks before him.
Chuck Norris doesn’t swim; water just wants to be around him.
Chuck Norris doesn’t do hostile takeovers; he does impossible takeovers.
Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in market correction, the market corrects itself before he has a…
When Chuck Norris throws in his two cents, it’s worth a billion.
Chuck Norris’s fiscal year has 13 months; he gets a bonus month.
Chuck Norris can silence a class just by walking past the room.
Chuck Norris doesn’t turn in his tests; the tests turn themselves in.
Chuck Norris doesn’t have a GPA; the educational system has a Chuck Point Average.
When Chuck Norris was in school, ‘show and tell’ was renamed ‘show and survive.’
Chuck Norris once corrected a dictionary.
Chuck Norris doesn’t experience culture shock; cultures experience Chuck Norris shock.
When Chuck Norris watches a foreign film, he doesn’t need subtitles.
When Chuck Norris went bungee jumping, the ground pushed itself down to save time.
Chuck Norris can circle the globe faster than the speed of light.
Chuck Norris can run a marathon backwards, faster than you can run it forwards.
When Chuck Norris steps on a scale, it reads, “One at a time, please.”
Chuck Norris’s flower beds are actual mattresses because even his flowers need rest.
Chuck Norris tells the sun when to shine for optimal photosynthesis.
Chuck Norris can create a topiary with a chainsaw and a blindfold.
Chuck Norris can grow bamboo into a full forest overnight.
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