Chuck Norris Jokes
Unleash a Daily Dose of Chuck Norris Laughs
When Chuck Norris whistles, birds make him a playlist.
Chuck Norris doesn’t do push-ups; he pushes the Earth down.
Chuck Norris Jokes
Chuck Norris doesn’t go on safari. Animals parade before him.
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.
Bees ask Chuck Norris for permission before making honey.
Chuck Norris once gave a eulogy at a dinosaur’s funeral.
Chuck Norris can microwave popcorn without a microwave.
When Chuck Norris goes camping, the campfire tells him stories.
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay’s potato chip and make the bag explode.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wash dishes, they cleanse themselves in his presence.
When Chuck Norris makes toast, the bread toasts itself out of respect.
Chuck Norris can play bass so deep, it sets off car alarms.
Chuck Norris can hear a pin drop in the middle of a rock concert.
When Chuck Norris sings a lullaby, the night itself falls asleep.
When Chuck Norris writes fanfiction, the original authors retire.
Chuck Norris can critique a painting from a blank canvas.
When Chuck Norris draws a circle, it becomes a black hole.
Chuck Norris’s sketches are used as blueprints for reality.
Chuck Norris can color inside the lines with his eyes closed.
When Chuck Norris steps onto a baseball field, home runs hit themselves.
Chuck Norris can make a free throw from another continent.
Chuck Norris never gets fouled; the opposing player apologizes for being in the way.
Chuck Norris’s shadow has more MVP awards than any other player.
Chuck Norris once entered a marathon and won the triathlon.
When Chuck Norris throws in his two cents, it’s worth a billion.
Chuck Norris’s fiscal year has 13 months; he gets a bonus month.
Chuck Norris doesn’t predict futures; he decides them.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need analytics; he decides the trends.
Chuck Norris doesn’t have a GPA; the educational system has a Chuck Point Average.
When Chuck Norris was in school, ‘show and tell’ was renamed ‘show and survive.’
Chuck Norris once corrected a dictionary.
When Chuck Norris goes to class, even the smartest phone becomes smarter.
Chuck Norris doesn’t go to history class; he teaches it.
When Chuck Norris went bungee jumping, the ground pushed itself down to save time.
Chuck Norris can circle the globe faster than the speed of light.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need maps; territories mark themselves on his boots.
When Chuck Norris travels, no one asks for his ticket. They just thank him.
Chuck Norris’s rain gauge measures in Chuck units.
Chuck Norris tells birds when to migrate south for winter—via his garden.
Chuck Norris uses volcanic ash from volcanoes he personally stopped from erupting for his garden.
When Chuck Norris does yard work, the yard works harder.
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