Chuck Norris Jokes
Unleash a Daily Dose of Chuck Norris Laughs
Chuck Norris once critiqued a novel; it rewrote itself out of shame.
When Chuck Norris goes to a fashion show, the runway models take notes.
Chuck Norris Jokes
Chuck Norris can play fetch with grizzly bears.
Lions give Chuck Norris the ‘right of way’ on the Savannah.
When spiders see Chuck Norris, they web up their own eviction notices.
When Chuck Norris enters a swamp, alligators build him a raft.
Chuck Norris doesn’t go on safari. Animals parade before him.
When Chuck Norris cooks stew, even the carrots dive into the pot.
Chuck Norris doesn’t sharpen knives, knives sharpen themselves before they get humiliated.
Chuck Norris can make water boil faster just by whispering to it.
Chuck Norris’s cooking is so strong, the flavors punch you in the mouth.
Chuck Norris’s refrigerator has no light because the food is never scared.
Chuck Norris can syncopate two clocks just by pointing at them.
When Chuck Norris plays the flute, snakes dance to hypnotize him.
Chuck Norris can make Banksy graffiti disappear.
When Chuck Norris thinks about art, masterpieces appear.
When Chuck Norris writes a screenplay, Oscar statues polish themselves.
Chuck Norris can sculpt an ice statue while it’s melting.
Chuck Norris’s first drafts are final drafts.
Chuck Norris’s sports drinks are made from real melted gold medals.
Chuck Norris never needs a referee, because no one dares disagree with him.
When Chuck Norris enters the ring, the bell rings itself out of fear.
Chuck Norris can bankrupt a company by removing it from his LinkedIn connections.
When Chuck Norris counts beans, the beans count themselves.
Chuck Norris doesn’t do hostile takeovers; he does impossible takeovers.
Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in market correction, the market corrects itself before he has a…
When Chuck Norris throws in his two cents, it’s worth a billion.
Chuck Norris once did a group project alone; he still got all the credit.
When Chuck Norris takes a class, the dropout rate reaches 100%.
Chuck Norris can silence a class just by walking past the room.
Chuck Norris doesn’t turn in his tests; the tests turn themselves in.
Chuck Norris doesn’t have a GPA; the educational system has a Chuck Point Average.
When Chuck Norris vacations, national landmarks pay him a visit.
Chuck Norris doesn’t experience culture shock; cultures experience Chuck Norris shock.
When Chuck Norris watches a foreign film, he doesn’t need subtitles.
When Chuck Norris went bungee jumping, the ground pushed itself down to save time.
Chuck Norris doesn’t get shin splints; his shins give splints.
Chuck Norris can run a marathon backwards, faster than you can run it forwards.
When Chuck Norris steps on a scale, it reads, “One at a time, please.”
When Chuck Norris plants potatoes, they dig themselves out of the ground for him.
Chuck Norris’s garden paths align with ley lines, by his design.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need a trellis; plants climb at his command.
Chuck Norris doesn’t plant bulbs; he plants fully grown trees.
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