Chuck Norris Jokes
Unleash a Daily Dose of Chuck Norris Laughs
Chuck Norris doesn’t use cloud storage; he uses celestial storage.
Hurricanes change direction when they hear Chuck Norris is in the area.
Chuck Norris Jokes
When Chuck Norris visits the Arctic, polar bears buy him a Coca-Cola.
Chuck Norris can play fetch with grizzly bears.
Lions give Chuck Norris the ‘right of way’ on the Savannah.
When spiders see Chuck Norris, they web up their own eviction notices.
When Chuck Norris enters a swamp, alligators build him a raft.
Chuck Norris can make a snow cone with his stare.
Chuck Norris doesn’t sharpen knives, knives sharpen themselves before they get humiliated.
When Chuck Norris cooks stew, even the carrots dive into the pot.
Chuck Norris’s cooking is so strong, the flavors punch you in the mouth.
Chuck Norris can make water boil faster just by whispering to it.
Chuck Norris’s rap battles end before they start; opponents hand over their mics.
Chuck Norris can syncopate two clocks just by pointing at them.
When Chuck Norris plays the flute, snakes dance to hypnotize him.
Chuck Norris can play Pictionary alone and win.
When Chuck Norris thinks about art, masterpieces appear.
Chuck Norris can make Banksy graffiti disappear.
Chuck Norris can sculpt an ice statue while it’s melting.
When Chuck Norris writes a screenplay, Oscar statues polish themselves.
Chuck Norris holds every world record. Just in case.
Chuck Norris never needs a referee, because no one dares disagree with him.
Chuck Norris’s sports drinks are made from real melted gold medals.
When Chuck Norris enters the ring, the bell rings itself out of fear.
When Chuck Norris goes into a recession, the economy gets depressed.
Chuck Norris can bankrupt a company by removing it from his LinkedIn connections.
When Chuck Norris counts beans, the beans count themselves.
Chuck Norris doesn’t do hostile takeovers; he does impossible takeovers.
Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in market correction, the market corrects itself before he has a…
Chuck Norris can solve a closed book exam with his eyes closed.
Chuck Norris once did a group project alone; he still got all the credit.
When Chuck Norris takes a class, the dropout rate reaches 100%.
Chuck Norris can silence a class just by walking past the room.
Chuck Norris doesn’t turn in his tests; the tests turn themselves in.
The Statue of Liberty lights her own torch when Chuck Norris arrives in New York.
When Chuck Norris vacations, national landmarks pay him a visit.
Chuck Norris doesn’t experience culture shock; cultures experience Chuck Norris shock.
When Chuck Norris watches a foreign film, he doesn’t need subtitles.
Chuck Norris doesn’t get shin splints; his shins give splints.
Chuck Norris can run a marathon backwards, faster than you can run it forwards.
When Chuck Norris steps on a scale, it reads, “One at a time, please.”
When Chuck Norris plants herbs, they season themselves in anticipation.
Chuck Norris’s garden paths align with ley lines, by his design.
When Chuck Norris plants potatoes, they dig themselves out of the ground for him.
Chuck Norris doesn’t plant bulbs; he plants fully grown trees.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need a trellis; plants climb at his command.
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