Chuck Norris Jokes
Unleash a Daily Dose of Chuck Norris Laughs
The only reason the moon has phases is because it wants to avoid Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once gave a piano lesson, the student became Mozart.
Chuck Norris Jokes
Bees ask Chuck Norris for permission before making honey.
Chuck Norris once gave a eulogy at a dinosaur’s funeral.
When Chuck Norris visits the Arctic, polar bears buy him a Coca-Cola.
Chuck Norris can play fetch with grizzly bears.
When Chuck Norris makes toast, the bread toasts itself out of respect.
Chuck Norris’s meals cook themselves out of fear of being raw.
Chuck Norris doesn’t use a stovetop, he uses his inner heat.
Chuck Norris can make a snow cone with his stare.
When Chuck Norris cooks stew, even the carrots dive into the pot.
Chuck Norris can hear a pin drop in the middle of a rock concert.
When Chuck Norris sings a lullaby, the night itself falls asleep.
Chuck Norris’s rap battles end before they start; opponents hand over their mics.
Chuck Norris can syncopate two clocks just by pointing at them.
Chuck Norris can color inside the lines with his eyes closed.
Chuck Norris can read a book by its cover.
When Chuck Norris writes, his pen never touches the paper—it’s too scared.
Chuck Norris can play Pictionary alone and win.
Chuck Norris can make Banksy graffiti disappear.
Chuck Norris once entered a marathon and won the triathlon.
Chuck Norris holds every world record. Just in case.
Chuck Norris’s sports drinks are made from real melted gold medals.
Chuck Norris doesn’t predict futures; he decides them.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need analytics; he decides the trends.
When Chuck Norris goes into a recession, the economy gets depressed.
Chuck Norris can bankrupt a company by removing it from his LinkedIn connections.
Chuck Norris once corrected a dictionary.
When Chuck Norris goes to class, even the smartest phone becomes smarter.
Chuck Norris doesn’t go to history class; he teaches it.
Chuck Norris can solve a closed book exam with his eyes closed.
Chuck Norris once did a group project alone; he still got all the credit.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need maps; territories mark themselves on his boots.
When Chuck Norris travels, no one asks for his ticket. They just thank him.
The Statue of Liberty lights her own torch when Chuck Norris arrives in New York.
When Chuck Norris vacations, national landmarks pay him a visit.
Chuck Norris doesn’t get shin splints; his shins give splints.
When Chuck Norris does yard work, the yard works harder.
Chuck Norris’s gardening apron is made from dragon skin.
Chuck Norris once grew a bonsai tree full-size just to see if he could.
When Chuck Norris plants herbs, they season themselves in anticipation.
When Chuck Norris plants potatoes, they dig themselves out of the ground for him.
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