Chuck Norris Jokes
Unleash a Daily Dose of Chuck Norris Laughs
Chuck Norris doesn’t use a stovetop, he uses his inner heat.
Chuck Norris Jokes
When Chuck Norris visits the Arctic, polar bears buy him a Coca-Cola.
Chuck Norris can play fetch with grizzly bears.
Lions give Chuck Norris the ‘right of way’ on the Savannah.
When spiders see Chuck Norris, they web up their own eviction notices.
Chuck Norris doesn’t use a stovetop, he uses his inner heat.
Chuck Norris can make a snow cone with his stare.
When Chuck Norris cooks stew, even the carrots dive into the pot.
Chuck Norris doesn’t sharpen knives, knives sharpen themselves before they get humiliated.
Chuck Norris can make water boil faster just by whispering to it.
When Chuck Norris sings a lullaby, the night itself falls asleep.
Chuck Norris’s rap battles end before they start; opponents hand over their mics.
Chuck Norris can syncopate two clocks just by pointing at them.
When Chuck Norris plays the flute, snakes dance to hypnotize him.
When Chuck Norris writes, his pen never touches the paper—it’s too scared.
Chuck Norris can play Pictionary alone and win.
Chuck Norris can make Banksy graffiti disappear.
When Chuck Norris thinks about art, masterpieces appear.
When Chuck Norris writes a screenplay, Oscar statues polish themselves.
Chuck Norris holds every world record. Just in case.
Chuck Norris’s sports drinks are made from real melted gold medals.
Chuck Norris never needs a referee, because no one dares disagree with him.
When Chuck Norris enters the ring, the bell rings itself out of fear.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need analytics; he decides the trends.
When Chuck Norris goes into a recession, the economy gets depressed.
Chuck Norris can bankrupt a company by removing it from his LinkedIn connections.
When Chuck Norris counts beans, the beans count themselves.
Chuck Norris doesn’t do hostile takeovers; he does impossible takeovers.
Chuck Norris doesn’t go to history class; he teaches it.
Chuck Norris can solve a closed book exam with his eyes closed.
Chuck Norris once did a group project alone; he still got all the credit.
When Chuck Norris takes a class, the dropout rate reaches 100%.
Chuck Norris can silence a class just by walking past the room.
When Chuck Norris travels, no one asks for his ticket. They just thank him.
The Statue of Liberty lights her own torch when Chuck Norris arrives in New York.
When Chuck Norris vacations, national landmarks pay him a visit.
Chuck Norris doesn’t experience culture shock; cultures experience Chuck Norris shock.
Chuck Norris doesn’t get shin splints; his shins give splints.
Chuck Norris can run a marathon backwards, faster than you can run it forwards.
Chuck Norris once grew a bonsai tree full-size just to see if he could.
When Chuck Norris plants herbs, they season themselves in anticipation.
When Chuck Norris plants potatoes, they dig themselves out of the ground for him.
Chuck Norris’s garden paths align with ley lines, by his design.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need a trellis; plants climb at his command.
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